It was like telling everyone “I’m engaged!” and adding bride 2026💍 to my bio

& then getting dumped by my fiancé

On my ToHave&HaveMore tour last year I was instructed by the publisher to tease my 2nd book (Does This Make Me Look Rich?) and within a month of that directive, they collapsed in a heap of shame/disgrace/incompetence. And I felt like a moron for telling everyone about book2 and then having to backtrack (what a loser!) and clarify that I did not, in fact, have a second book coming out. Uh, no. That fell through. I just have the one ... self-published book. My hand to god [Christopher Moltisanti voice] I wouldn't even have a book1 if Tal didn't become an entire publisher unto himself and jaws-of-life th&hm from the raging inferno of how tf did this happen. (Long live srg press.)

So back to losing face.

All of my shame-based asian upbringing kicked in full force bc disappointment (I want to say 'devastation' but that sounds melodramatic and then I have to check my privilege and be like, "well I'm very lucky that this is the worst thing happening in my life" blah blah blah) was compounded by embarrassment ------ even though all of this wreckage was out of my control!!! (I'm still paying for their fuck-ups in this new deal but I have to save that story for later.)

My second book is official (again)

As of 2/12 I have a new deal for Does This Make Me Look Rich? -- and status symbol of status symbols, it's with a Big 5 press. If that doesn't mean anything to you let me put it this way: it's an ivy league publisher. No more no-name, tEcH-aDjAcEnT, move-fast-and-self-implode BS for this bestselling author (never forget that I'm a bestselling author). I'm chockfull of hubris today- watch this 2nd deal self-destruct also🥰

This big5 deal is the pure uncut external validation that I was jonesing for. I can't afford a designer bag so the next best thing to sate my status-seeking is a book deal with a namebrand publisher.

I'm eking every drop of vanity out of this milestone because it's an impersonal pat on the back from the institutions that be but I know--I'm wiser now--that this does not in any way indicate career progress. Big5 books get released every day to crickets. Pretty much every book flops and every author is dismayed.

My koan of the day: Career progress only comes from TikTok followers and reels going viral (I'm like 30% joking).

Here's what I learned from my first rodeo- trust no publisher. Not bc they're malicious but bc they're deeply&truly indifferent even if they claim to love LoVe yOuR bOoK. Authors aren't cogs in a machine - because cogs are considered important and valued for their function. We are more like cattle--expendable and replaceable and if they could find a way to do it without us (AI will make this possible), they would in a heartbeat. Unless you're compensated generously for your art, don't believe that they care about it. Money is the only love language in publishing and anyone who tries to tell you otherwise is scheming to exploit you.

If it sounds like I'm not exactly thrilled- excellent reading comprehension. I had to fight tooth&nail to just get back to where I was two years ago: with a second book lined up. Let's revisit the dumped-by-fiancé metaphor: he dumped me but now he's saying, actually, he does want to get married. Thank you? The amount of time and energy I've spent to stay in one place -- I could be a doctor 3 times over by now (and rich to boot). Instead, I'm writing this post to announce "a book that was supposed to be a done deal is now shunted to a second publisher" with the intention of short-form-content-ifying this post into a carousel for IG because the only way I can have a career that resembles author is if I assiduously content-create.

My new agent and my new editor found me on socials. Book2 is a lovechild of TikTok and my mini mic.

You can bet I am worshipping at the altar of my on-camera persona every night. I am making HUGE donations to Meta daily in the valuable, valuable currency of hours of my one-wild-and-precious life. The only reason book2 survived is thanks to my brainrot output so the only logical response is to keep making it🤪 [I looked up 'deranged emoji' but apparently this expression is 'goofy'.]